Life
Everyone has their own life story, so have I. Throughout the years, my life have been filled with adventures, where I experienced not only bad times but also good times and I never stop learning through those experiences to define who I am now.
I have decided to write this post because I want to share and hopefully this will help and motivate others as everyone has their own ways on how to live their lives. It will be an ongoing life experience and I have no intentions to offend anyone out there.
I still can remember when I was a kid where you fear nothing and you dream of being whoever you want to be. However, one thing when I was a kid, I have this insecurity within myself due to the environment I grew up and the culture where everyone believes that you have to be pretty and skinny or you have to be super rich and intelligent to be accepted into the society.
I was a chubby little girl and have darker skin whilst my brother, all my cousins and friends were thin, pretty and smart. I still remember my cousins called me 'Fat Pig' or 'Roast Pig' everyday since I was 6 and it sticks within myself believing that I am for sure FAT!!! I also still re-called the times when my family members or family friends would tell me how fat I was, how no one would ever be interested, and how I should start to go on diet when I was still under 10 years old. I have always thought that maybe they were joking or they were just being nasty and rude. However, I recently learnt from my colleagues that this is how the culture works and it is really amazed me so much on how they went through the same issue when they were kids and how some of them tried so many different ways to be skinny otherwise they won't be able to find a partner due to body image :(
Growing up by believing all of those and the pressure for always being compared with other human beings have caused me to wonder why I was different to the others and at the same time I started to develop an inferiority complex. This issue gotten worst when my parents decided to send me to boarding school when I was 13 and in my teens, I went through depression, eating disorder and there were times where I'd punished myself emotionally when things didn't turn up as it was supposed to be!
One day I decided that I had to leave and moved to a different country. I felt empty and life seems to be meaningless that consist of mundane routine, everyone loves to compare with one another, and the lists keep going. I seek for freedom and to search my own identity, to find the right path for me and to understand myself more. What makes me happy and what is my purpose in this life.
One thing I am grateful in my life is how my parents especially my dad, who is my ultimate role model and who in his life has always lead a positive and an optimistic life. He is and will always be somebody who I look up to and who I will always turn around to seek for advice when I am feeling down and pessimist.
I wish everyone who has gone through or is currently going through this culture and society thing. Do remember that you are beautiful no matter what and you should love and appreciate yourself more. I am sending love and hugs.
I was a chubby little girl and have darker skin whilst my brother, all my cousins and friends were thin, pretty and smart. I still remember my cousins called me 'Fat Pig' or 'Roast Pig' everyday since I was 6 and it sticks within myself believing that I am for sure FAT!!! I also still re-called the times when my family members or family friends would tell me how fat I was, how no one would ever be interested, and how I should start to go on diet when I was still under 10 years old. I have always thought that maybe they were joking or they were just being nasty and rude. However, I recently learnt from my colleagues that this is how the culture works and it is really amazed me so much on how they went through the same issue when they were kids and how some of them tried so many different ways to be skinny otherwise they won't be able to find a partner due to body image :(
Growing up by believing all of those and the pressure for always being compared with other human beings have caused me to wonder why I was different to the others and at the same time I started to develop an inferiority complex. This issue gotten worst when my parents decided to send me to boarding school when I was 13 and in my teens, I went through depression, eating disorder and there were times where I'd punished myself emotionally when things didn't turn up as it was supposed to be!
One day I decided that I had to leave and moved to a different country. I felt empty and life seems to be meaningless that consist of mundane routine, everyone loves to compare with one another, and the lists keep going. I seek for freedom and to search my own identity, to find the right path for me and to understand myself more. What makes me happy and what is my purpose in this life.
One thing I am grateful in my life is how my parents especially my dad, who is my ultimate role model and who in his life has always lead a positive and an optimistic life. He is and will always be somebody who I look up to and who I will always turn around to seek for advice when I am feeling down and pessimist.
I wish everyone who has gone through or is currently going through this culture and society thing. Do remember that you are beautiful no matter what and you should love and appreciate yourself more. I am sending love and hugs.
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